Purple and Paws I never wanted to write this post.
I always knew I would have to one day. But I wanted that day to happen far, far in the future.
Unfortunately, the future is now.
It’s been a year since I wrote an update about Socks. With my dad’s help, we managed to keep Socks going for a long time. Probably longer than we should’ve.
But I just couldn’t bear to let him go yet.
And then it happened.
Monday morning, he refused to come down the stairs and when he finally did, he rolled all the way to the bottom and could not get himself up. Nor could he get himself outside. He managed to walk a little bit but then would collapse immediately. He’d had bad days before and always managed to recover the next day.
Tuesday rolled around and he’d only improved a little. My dad and I both knew it was time. The vet couldn’t come by until Wednesday afternoon.
So we had a day and a half left to cuddle him, pet him, give him all of his favorite treats, and love on him.
Saying goodbye to him was unbearable. My eyes are welling right now just writing this and remembering watching him stop breathing. The vet looking at me and telling me he was gone. Slipping off his collar to give to me. Clutching his collar in my hand as she and her assistant brought in a stretcher and moved his totally still body on it. They grabbed his legs to put him on and I kept thinking, why isn’t he snapping at them? Why isn’t he yelping and freaking out like he always did when we tried to touch his legs?
And then I had to remind myself that he was gone.
It’s been two days and I’m deep in the grieving process. I know time will help me heal. I know eventually I’ll be able to remember Socks and smile and laugh instead of cry. But I’m not there yet. Who knows when I’ll be there.
Eventually I’ll be ready to open my heart to another dog.
But for now, I just miss my beautiful boy.
And I always will.